Bearing Witness
Sunday, February 19, 2006
CLARITY
I looked into my son's eyes tonight. I really looked deep. There was something in his face, his eyes, something I've never seen before. He's tired. He just wants to stay in one place. He doesn't want to go back and forth between me and his mother. He just wants to stay in one place. While I can come to terms with wanting some space from my ex-wife-wanting to stop the arguing-wanting to be happy-wanting her to be happy; I don't know if I can come to terms with the pain I have caused my son. I know he'll bounce back. Children have an amazing ability to do so. I don't ever want to see that look again. I'm sorry son.
¶ Sunday, February 19, 2006 2 Comments
Monday, February 13, 2006
CHANGES
In a life that is already quite unstable I am making yet another change. First, let me say that the instability is fine for the most part. I realize that because of the life restructuring I did in the last 12 months, I have to wait for the dust to settle. And it will be a while before things finally come to rest.
While I did my best to keep the wolves at bay, they are now knocking at my door. Well actually they didn't knock. They called me on the phone and told me to get out. I must move from the studio that I love. I understand why. The owners of the buidling would like their rent. I would like to give it to them-but I don't have it.
Last year, right before Christmas, I was fired from my teaching gig. It appears that the program director and I had a bit of a disagreement over how to run my classroom. My boss felt that my classroom was not organized well enough. I wasn't teaching rocket science mind you. I was teaching two production classes (theatre and video) to elementary school students. While I admit that my class was a little chaotic, the kids enjoyed it and most of them were learning.
During the program assembly my students ran the lights. They costumed the actors. They managed the stage. They ran the sound. They composed eight songs for the production. That unfortunately didn't matter because my kids didn't sit at their desks to work and sometimes they didn't know what they were doing.
Actually I was thinking about quitting anyway. The classroom I was using belonged to a teacher who thought teaching art was a waste of time. He always let his room a mess and then complained that my kids destroyed his room. I have to admit that while we tried to restore his room, we weren't quite alble to leave his room the mess it was before we started. I also had too many kids. The program director's philosophy was to put kids who didn't want to act into the production classes. Just because a kid doesn't want to act doesn't mean that they want to learn production. While it was a bit much I didn't want them to fire me.
Now here I am with no money. Before they fired me the managed to mess up three checks in a row. One was little money the other two were no money at all. To top this off they took almost two months to give me my first paycheck when I was hired in September. I was screwed. If this had been the only financial fuck-up I could have dealt. But, my classes with my other teaching gig dried up a while back, and the part time job I took to supplement was inconsistent.
I have to move back with my folks. It's actually for the best. At least that's what I tell myself. My folks are having a hard time and I should be able to help them out. While I am currently unemployed I have a production opening soon which should net me a decent amount of money. Additionally, I should be starting a part-time gig soon and after months of waiting I should get my unempoyment.
Things in the long run will work out. I'll get another place. I'll get back on my feet financially. Somehow I can't get over the fact that right now-things suck. ¶ Monday, February 13, 2006 2 Comments
While I did my best to keep the wolves at bay, they are now knocking at my door. Well actually they didn't knock. They called me on the phone and told me to get out. I must move from the studio that I love. I understand why. The owners of the buidling would like their rent. I would like to give it to them-but I don't have it.
Last year, right before Christmas, I was fired from my teaching gig. It appears that the program director and I had a bit of a disagreement over how to run my classroom. My boss felt that my classroom was not organized well enough. I wasn't teaching rocket science mind you. I was teaching two production classes (theatre and video) to elementary school students. While I admit that my class was a little chaotic, the kids enjoyed it and most of them were learning.
During the program assembly my students ran the lights. They costumed the actors. They managed the stage. They ran the sound. They composed eight songs for the production. That unfortunately didn't matter because my kids didn't sit at their desks to work and sometimes they didn't know what they were doing.
Actually I was thinking about quitting anyway. The classroom I was using belonged to a teacher who thought teaching art was a waste of time. He always let his room a mess and then complained that my kids destroyed his room. I have to admit that while we tried to restore his room, we weren't quite alble to leave his room the mess it was before we started. I also had too many kids. The program director's philosophy was to put kids who didn't want to act into the production classes. Just because a kid doesn't want to act doesn't mean that they want to learn production. While it was a bit much I didn't want them to fire me.
Now here I am with no money. Before they fired me the managed to mess up three checks in a row. One was little money the other two were no money at all. To top this off they took almost two months to give me my first paycheck when I was hired in September. I was screwed. If this had been the only financial fuck-up I could have dealt. But, my classes with my other teaching gig dried up a while back, and the part time job I took to supplement was inconsistent.
I have to move back with my folks. It's actually for the best. At least that's what I tell myself. My folks are having a hard time and I should be able to help them out. While I am currently unemployed I have a production opening soon which should net me a decent amount of money. Additionally, I should be starting a part-time gig soon and after months of waiting I should get my unempoyment.
Things in the long run will work out. I'll get another place. I'll get back on my feet financially. Somehow I can't get over the fact that right now-things suck. ¶ Monday, February 13, 2006 2 Comments
