PERMISSION TO LOVE Giving yourself permission to love is not enough.
You must also be able trust.
I thought I could,
but I guess not.
Maybe someday I will.
Why can't someday be today?  ¶ Tuesday, May 09, 2006 0 Comments

  LOVE AGAIN My ex-wife and I haven't had many pleasant conversations in the last few months. Our exchanges have consisted mostly of short discussions about our son, and quaint inquiries into each other's well being. I, at one point, believed that we would be able to sit over a cup of coffee and discuss the merits of the latest Prince album, or laugh at some utterly ridiculous item in the news. But I gave up that ghost months ago. Too much had been said-things that could never be taken back. At best, I hoped we could one day get through a phone call without one of us hanging up in tears. And that we were able to do. Tonight however, we talked.

Of course we talked about our son's daycare and how he was handling the transition of yet another move (mine). It was nice. The fear normally present when we talked dissipated this time. I think we actually managed to laugh together. Then she brought up something she thought would be hard for me. She mentioned that she was dating again.

I was relieved. I had been carrying around guilt surrounding what I perceived to be her loneliness (all my fault). Her dating again seems to make her happy. If that is indeed true, it means I can finally give myself permission to love.  ¶ Monday, May 08, 2006 0 Comments