Thursday, December 29, 2005
MARRIAGE MY ASS
I just read Clay Cane's blog about marriage and it got me fired up. My wife of six years and I recently divorced and it has left me with and admittedly dim view of the institution. That's not entirely true. I never liked marriage. In fact my ex-wife and I bonded over our shared view that wedded bliss was a big ass lie. No married couple we knew was happy. Our older siblings all had unions that sucked. Our parents didn't like each other that much. Actually we came from households where our moms and dads didn't even sleep in the same beds. Hell, my father was banished to the basement and my mother's pet name for him was IT. Yet we plowed ahead anyway.
When we met our mutual interest in Prince was just too much. I had to be with this woman. She felt the same. We dated. Along the way we had long conversations about marriage. How it was oppressive toward women. How it meant so little in today's society. How if she did get married she was going to wear a black dress.
Initially the relationship was offdahook. We never argued. In fact we would try to fight and fail. We would laugh about it. That didn't last. No sir, we learnt how to fight real good. We would break - make up - break up - make up. Then we called it quits.
Dig if you will this picture. The year is 1994. My ex and I were just starting to talk again. I was missing her something bad. I missed the conversations. I missed going out. I missed her acerbic wit. I wanted it all back. I was tired of dating. We worked in the same office and were in the restaurant at a group outing. I heard her dinstinctive laugh. Damn. We were getting along. How did that happen? In a moment of weakness I proposed. She, in shock, did not answer. I loved that shit. She was playing hard to get. Eventually (five years later) I asked again and she said yes. This is after years of living together and many arguments.
The wedding was beautiful. We were making a commitment before our God, friends, family and community. It felt right at the time. Years passed. We had a baby (my partner in crime in the pic). We grew apart. I asked for separation. She asked for divorce. NOTE: When there are no obstacles like property, etc., that shit is fast. My ex got a layer in August (happy birthday to me) and we were divorced by Dec 2.
Now for those of you who think your life is incomplete without a spouse think again. Marriage does work for some people. Sometimes it is a natural outgrowth of a relationship. Unfortunately our society views it as the inevitable outcome of a serious relationship. Well, I can tell you this. I'm done. I'm finished.
As a matter of fact there are a number of things I'm done with. That however is fodder for later blogs. ¶ Thursday, December 29, 2005
When we met our mutual interest in Prince was just too much. I had to be with this woman. She felt the same. We dated. Along the way we had long conversations about marriage. How it was oppressive toward women. How it meant so little in today's society. How if she did get married she was going to wear a black dress.
Initially the relationship was offdahook. We never argued. In fact we would try to fight and fail. We would laugh about it. That didn't last. No sir, we learnt how to fight real good. We would break - make up - break up - make up. Then we called it quits.
Dig if you will this picture. The year is 1994. My ex and I were just starting to talk again. I was missing her something bad. I missed the conversations. I missed going out. I missed her acerbic wit. I wanted it all back. I was tired of dating. We worked in the same office and were in the restaurant at a group outing. I heard her dinstinctive laugh. Damn. We were getting along. How did that happen? In a moment of weakness I proposed. She, in shock, did not answer. I loved that shit. She was playing hard to get. Eventually (five years later) I asked again and she said yes. This is after years of living together and many arguments.
The wedding was beautiful. We were making a commitment before our God, friends, family and community. It felt right at the time. Years passed. We had a baby (my partner in crime in the pic). We grew apart. I asked for separation. She asked for divorce. NOTE: When there are no obstacles like property, etc., that shit is fast. My ex got a layer in August (happy birthday to me) and we were divorced by Dec 2.
Now for those of you who think your life is incomplete without a spouse think again. Marriage does work for some people. Sometimes it is a natural outgrowth of a relationship. Unfortunately our society views it as the inevitable outcome of a serious relationship. Well, I can tell you this. I'm done. I'm finished.
As a matter of fact there are a number of things I'm done with. That however is fodder for later blogs. ¶ Thursday, December 29, 2005
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I couldn't help but agree with many of the things about marriage you wrote in your blog. I am convinced that the whole 'perfect relationship' thing does not exist. It's a fabrication of De Beers or whomever gets money every time someone gets engaged/married. But what are we going to do when things do not work? Move on, I guess. At least you've got your partner in crime. And that's more than many other people can say. Good luck!
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People who feel like they need to have a spouse should look within themselves and love themselves before hoping to meet someone that will love them.
I think my ex-wife and I got derailed somewhere in our relationship. We lived togther for five years before we married. I think we both bowed to societal pressure.
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